how is it a brain can work out like this?
like if i haven't eatten in 3 days do i really need to go up stair and take 6 laxtives ? i don't think so but i know that i will and i know that i won't be able to look in the mirro again cuz i'll be pissed that i ate, cuz fat ppl should get hungery and brandon my shrink says there's a healthy way to do things and and a bad way and i'm making a choice and i know that somehow i do but somehow it doesn't feel like a choice it feel like it just is how it is . i don't see myself as this control freak but you know i have to be cuz fuck isn't that what this is all about ? self injury? eatting it's all the same fucking thing just differnt ways. i don't know anymore i just know that somewhere between the self hate and the bull shit there has be just a little bit of myself and i keep trying to find her but i don't know where she is. i don't know who the fuck i am as a person or what it is i want i haven't asked myself that nither has anybody else really brandon did it made me jumpy cuz if you don't know who you are how can make up a call like that? i know my feelings and sometimes i can't even trust those very much they get me in a place that is so blurry that i get lost in this far off place inside my mind. i guess i have all the fucking answers inside my head but i forgot where i put the keys that so like me