torien (torien) wrote,

ppl can say some fucked up shit

today yo and chris stopped by to see if i knew when one hour photo was coming to our town and they knew i would know, after all i am into robin williams so yeah but, anyways we talked about nothing to big and then they asked me about my weight like if i was having issues with it and i don't know why i didn't i lie i these can't handel the truth, but i was like i'm working really hard to fight that part of my head that tells me to hate myself everyday, weather it's a eating issue or self injury i need to kinda wake up everyday and make up my mind if i'm going to try and like myself that day. they went ok.
then i told them i was going back to MATC and that i was going to be working at pathfinders for 12 hours a week as mentor and they got look on there face like i was unsafe for teens to be around or something and i was like what and they where like if you where us would you be worried? what does that mean? so i don't easy life and so i can't wake up everyday and say i like myself, but i would never do anything to hurt those kids, that's the way they acted like i was doing something bad for myself and those kids as if i don't know what there going thur as if i can't look at a girl was just raped a few months ago and say the right thing i was there in that place. i was 14 when that happend with shitkins and my dad that shit started when i was 11 so i think i could really help a girl come to grips with there abuse. if anything i want to fight for these kids more so then anything cuz no one was fucking there for me when i was going thur that shit.
i'm really trying to get better i'm doing the pill bit , i'm seeing brandon i did that group, i'm starting another group soon,i'm going back to school, i'm working with pathfinds and there loking at me like i'm a monster i just don't get it when did i become that bad of a person? it's not like i'm not trying, i don't know why i'm letting this get to me as much as it is ugh... i should bounce
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